Knowing that some toxic personalities are clueless about their toxicity, you can probably understand why feedback doesn't always work. Yet, feedback is our natural response to a person that is causing difficulty in the team or treating us disrespectfully. Our research indicated that feedback is usually ineffective even if the person is your direct report. The best way to use feedback to change toxic behaviors is in combination with a strong performance appraisal that includes behaviorally specific items related to values of civility at work.
What have been your experiences in giving feedback to someone about "toxic behaviors"? We'd love to know if you found it to be successful in changing the behaviors in the long-term.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Myth #2 Toxic People Know Exactly What They're Doing
Myth 2: Toxic People Know Exactly
What They’re Doing
Believe it or not, many toxic individuals are clueless about the
effects their behavior has on the organization and those around
them. In fact, if you were to confront them about their more
obvious transgressions, we predict you would hear two types of
responses. First, there’s a high likelihood they would respond
with indignation: ‘‘Well, if you had more concerns about this
organization, you’d be backing me up 100 percent.’’ Or: ‘‘I seem
to be the only one who has the guts to stand up in this situation.
The rest of you just don’t have the same commitment that I do.’’
Second, there’s often a sense of self-righteousness about their
actions. They often believe they are the only ones who truly care
about the organization and are willing to walk their talk.
In essence, while toxic people are often self-interested and
self-righteous, paradoxically they are other-directed when it
comes to understanding their own behaviors. With few exceptions,
wrong-doing is about others, and hardly ever about
themselves. These kinds of comments are related to a narcissistic
perspective on the world. Toxic persons often cannot find
fault in themselves and are shocked if anyone criticizes them.
This is the reason that simply giving feedback on their behaviors often
doesn’t work.
What They’re Doing
Believe it or not, many toxic individuals are clueless about the
effects their behavior has on the organization and those around
them. In fact, if you were to confront them about their more
obvious transgressions, we predict you would hear two types of
responses. First, there’s a high likelihood they would respond
with indignation: ‘‘Well, if you had more concerns about this
organization, you’d be backing me up 100 percent.’’ Or: ‘‘I seem
to be the only one who has the guts to stand up in this situation.
The rest of you just don’t have the same commitment that I do.’’
Second, there’s often a sense of self-righteousness about their
actions. They often believe they are the only ones who truly care
about the organization and are willing to walk their talk.
In essence, while toxic people are often self-interested and
self-righteous, paradoxically they are other-directed when it
comes to understanding their own behaviors. With few exceptions,
wrong-doing is about others, and hardly ever about
themselves. These kinds of comments are related to a narcissistic
perspective on the world. Toxic persons often cannot find
fault in themselves and are shocked if anyone criticizes them.
This is the reason that simply giving feedback on their behaviors often
doesn’t work.
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